


A Night At The Opera

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Break Up, Depression, F/M, Foot Fetish (Gamzee to Jane), Implied Consensual Oral Sex (Gamzee to Jane), Sadstuck, Suicidal Thoughts, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, dark shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 06:43:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: John and Roxy attend "Le Souhait du Toblerone" - a whimsical opera - with their friends Jane Crocker and Gamzee Makara. Tensions rise and a marriage shatters.





	A Night At The Opera

John Egbert fastens his bowtie in the bathroom mirror as he gets ready for his big date at the opera. He wears his tuxedo well, though even after all of these years he still hasn’t found a way to tame his cowlick. His chest has grown wide and his arms strong. He’s grown to look a lot like his Dad. In both senses – he does look remarkably like global superstar Jake Crocker, but also, closer to his heart, the departed Mr. Egbert.

John cries.

It isn’t the first time he’s cried tonight. He’s done it quite often lately. There’s a sense of utter helplessness that comes with knowing one has no purpose, especially when they feel like they once _had _a purpose. It’s not that John ever felt like he had control over his life before, but he – as crazy as it sounds – felt like there was a time when _something _did. Someone? The fully realized Heir of Breath was never very religious before, and now that he’s one of the closest things to a god in this current world, he finds it hard to believe that there’s something even bigger out there in the universe that has just been pushing them. Something that took his world, took his life, took his Dad, scattered his friends and ruined his family.

No, John knows. That last part he did by himself. Whatever cosmic schemes put him and his friends in this new universe was gone now. It’s John’s fault entirely that he’s such a failure.

ROXY: hon? u ready?

He can’t handle this. Maybe it would be better to call the whole thing off, he thinks. Roxy, his beautiful wife, actually smiles sometimes when John isn’t around. His wife, who deserves the world, receives nothing from him anymore because he has nothing left to give. He’s screwed everything up. Time and time again he’s tried, and time and time again he’s failed. Husbands and fathers were meant to be there for their wives and children, and John is crying to himself in the bathroom wearing a tuxedo and bowtie because he looks too much like both of his fathers – the noble Mr. Egbert and the pathetic Mr. Crocker.

It was Mr. Crocker who received the tickets to tonight’s show, an opera entitled “Le Souhait du Toblerone” about a young man who finds a magical chocolate hidden by a mysterious demigod which transforms him into a woman, from a celebrity friend of his who was starring in the lead role. His indomitable wife Jane Crocker, who effectively owns the entire world, decided that she’d rather go to the opera with her paramour, the wretched troll Gamzee Makara, and leave Jake at home with their young son Tavros. The very same son who John had tried to kidnap from his home a year prior in an attempt to give him a better life away from the home of a de facto dictator.

What a terrible mistake that had been – one that had nearly cost him his marriage right then and there. Yet he could not bring himself to regret it. Nor could he stop himself from thinking that it might be worth a second try someday. The only thing stopping him is his desperate attempt to save his marriage, and Roxy does not share John’s sentiment towards Jane. That’s why they’re going to the opera tonight with the woman whose child John had attempted to take from her. That’s why they’re going to the opera tonight with her, and her awful clown boyfriend.

Yet another reason for John to bawl his eyes out in the bathroom.

ROXY: hon?

Roxy’s no stranger to these crying fits. It breaks John’s heart that she has to deal with them. She had always had so much empathy in her heart for him, and for the entire world, but she’s almost definitely lost all of it for him now. It’s been years of this now. Whatever joy he might have given her is gone, and he knows it. Did he ever give her any to begin with? He reaches for the toilet paper, blows his nose, and dries his eyes.

JOHN: yeah i’ll be out in a minute!

He takes a deep breath and steps outside the door. Roxy throws her arms around him. She doesn’t smile like she used to, or give him those big wet kisses she was always so fond of giving. Now she just holds him firmly in her arms.

JOHN: roxy?  
ROXY: i love you b. thanks for taking me out tonight.  
JOHN: yeah...

John hugs her back.

JOHN: i’m happy to do it. it should be a lot of fun.

Roxy looks at him, concerned.

ROXY: were u cryin b  
JOHN: n-no! no! no i wasn’t crying i just...i might be getting sick.  
ROXY: if u were cryin u no u can tell me right? i wanna no  
ROXY: let me help

John sighs.

JOHN: please roxy, let’s just go.

He starts to walk toward the door. Roxy doesn’t move. He turns back around. She motions towards the dress she is wearing.

It is an absolutely stunning pink dress with a little white cat pin holding the single strap. She’s done her make up so that her pink eyes pop, and her hair has been newly straightened. She wears white opera gloves and holds a pair of fancy opera glasses in her right hand. She’s clearly put a lot of effort into her appearance, and John just walked right past her without even paying his wife a compliment.

JOHN: you look great, roxy!  
ROXY: thx b

She holds out her hand.

ROXY: u ready to go now?  
JOHN: yeah. let’s go.

The two of them walk down the stairs and head into their living room. Dave Strider and Jade Harley are sitting on the floor with John and Roxy’s young son, Harry Anderson, playing _Mario Kart: Double Dash!!_ on the Nintendo Gamecube. Harry Anderson looks over as they come in and runs to his mother.

HARRY ANDERSON: mom you look great!

Roxy smiles and hugs her son.

ROXY: thx mr  
ROXY: glad to no ur mama still got it  
DAVE: ill say

John, Jade, and Roxy look to Dave. He blushes.

DAVE: i mean uh  
DAVE: i mean ill say you look nice rox  
DAVE: great outfit  
DAVE: jade and i were just playing some mario kart with harry here  
JADE: what dave means is that i was playing mario kart with harry and he was just trying to get the marios to clip into the background like a weirdo!!!  
DAVE: jade theyre not called marios only one of them is named mario and its the red one  
JADE: whatever!!!  
DAVE: anyway yeah turns out its not as easy to cause all sorts of crazy bugs in this game as it was in my bros tony hawk game  
DAVE: which im pretty sure was the only video game i ever played in my life  
DAVE: aside from the obvious i mean  


John smiles.

JOHN: don’t ever change, dave.

Dave looks back at him from behind his shades.

DAVE: i dont think i could if i tried dude

There’s an awkward pause. Harry Anderson finally breaks the silence.

HARRY ANDERSON: when are you coming home?  
ROXY: o sweetie itll be after u go to sleep mommy and daddy are goin out with your aunt janey and uncle gamz

Harry looks to his father.

HARRY ANDERSON: they still let you see them after you tried to kidnap tavros, dad?

John’s heart falls into his stomach. What was it that the legendary Bill Cosby, who absolutely never did anything wrong in his life as far as John ever knew, once said about children and the things that they would say? How would he even answer that?

ROXY: harry anderson egbert! thats no way to talk to your father young man!  
HARRY ANDERSON: i’m sorry mom i was just asking because tavros says that aunt janey just says bad stuff about dad now and it’s weird that she’d want to see him!

Roxy looks to John sympathetically. John looks down at his shoes.

DAVE: hey dude  
DAVE: sometimes grown ups are just confusing  
DAVE: you want to figure out why they do the things they do and what they mean  
DAVE: but there’s no answer  
DAVE: just grown-ups doing what grown-ups do  
DAVE: which is being confusing  
DAVE: you know what im saying?

Harry looks to Dave with confusion.

HARRY ANDERSON: no?  
DAVE: yeah exactly  
DAVE: come on dude lets leave your mom and dad alone and play some more mario kart  
DAVE: sounds way more fun right  
HARRY ANDERSON: yeah!

Just like that, John is relieved of the awkward moment and Harry Anderson is plopped back down in front of the screen between Dave and Jade.

JADE: seriously though guys...try and have a good time, okay?  
ROXY: thx jade i think itll be a lot of fun  
JOHN: yeah, don’t worry about us.  
JADE: i cant NOT worry about you, john...youre my brother, and my best friend in the world.   
JOHN: thanks jade.  
JADE: just...text me if something happens, okay?  
ROXY: dont worry jade, ill make sure that mr egbert here stays out of trouble lol  
JADE: ok roxy, i trust you!  
JOHN: bye jade. bye dave. thanks for watching harry anderson for us.  
DAVE: anytime dude  
DAVE: seriously anytime  
DAVE: i have the time of my life with this kid  
JADE: me too!!!

John smiles at both of them and then leads Roxy out the door before shutting it behind them. Jade’s acted like this ever since the incident with Tavros Crocker. She behaves as if John is going to lose it at any given moment and start stealing children from homes across Earth C, or suddenly go on a windy rampage in a major city, or maybe just...hurt himself. It isn’t like the last thought hasn’t crossed John’s mind many times over the past year. The thought that maybe he ought to have died a long time ago – died doing something that made his life worth while, instead of continuing to live without any meaning at all. Yet the way Jade continues to hammer it home only serves to make John feel all the more like he can’t take care of himself, and that he’s a useless, beaten down car that all of his friends and family are desperately trying to push to some metaphorical finish line.

A useless, beaten down car similar to the one that John and Roxy get into now. With the infinite money that the Lalonde-Egberts possess, they could buy an endless supply of the finest cars Earth C provides, and yet John continues to use the same engineless car that he started “driving” shortly after their arrival in this universe. He uses the winds to pick them up into the air, and they fly off towards the opera house in New Crockerton. They sit in silence for most of the ride, until finally Roxy breaks the silence.

ROXY: u look very handsome today, john.  
JOHN: thanks roxy. you look amazing.

More silence. It’s times like these where John wishes they had a working radio in this car.

ROXY: do u...still think im sexy?

John does a double take. He turns and looks at Roxy incredulously. He doesn’t need to focus on the road when they’re high up in the air far from anything that might crash into them. Roxy has long since gotten used to his lack of “road safety” in all the years that she’s been married to him.

JOHN: what??  
ROXY: sry...i just...

She dabs at the corner of her eye.

ROXY: nm. dont worry about it john im just being weird  
ROXY: lmao!

John looks back out the front windshield. He blinks a few times.

Neither of them say anything for the rest of the ride.

They find a place to “park” near the opera house and go inside. Many of the other patrons in attendance – all of them human – turn and whisper among themselves as John and Roxy enter the grand foyer. Roxy smiles and waves, and John follows suit. The patrons applaud, and someone shouts, “I love you Roxy! Your dress is fantastic!”

Roxy laughs. It’s all very performative. She hates this kind of attention, and John knows it. As far as she’s concerned, she’d rather they all just be regular people living regular lives in this world they created than whatever it is they’ve become.

ROXY: thx u too! real glad to b here tonite lmao

The crowd parts as Jane marches down the hall toward them wearing a sparkling cyan dress. At her side is Gamzee, who has notably bathed and is wearing a coattailed tuxedo with a purple polkadot bow tie. When Gamzee sees John, he waves his hand madly and calls to him.

GAMZEE: My GoOoOoOd BrOtHeR! hOw Is It GoIn My MoThAfUcKa?

John tries very hard to pretend like he didn’t hear Gamzee, but that doesn’t dissuade the clown. He walks right up to John and nudges him in the ribs.

GAMZEE: GeT iT? cUz YoU fUcKiN a MOTHA sOn!

John can’t even pretend like he wasn’t expecting something crude out Gamzee, even when he’s impeccably dressed.

GAMZEE: ItS aLl GoOd DoG! i BeEn PaRt Of MILF lOvErS aNoNy-fUcKiN-mOuS mYsElF fOr A wHiLe NoW! NoThInG qUiTe LiKe GeTtIN aLl iN tHeRe aNd -  
JOHN: gamzee! hi! how are you doing? i have to just run to the bathroom for two seconds okay! will you stay here? please?  
GAMZEE: oF cOuRsE mY bRoThA!  
GAMZEE: yOu EnJoY tHaT WICKED pIsSsSsSsS.... :o)

John runs to the bathroom as quickly as possible. Gamzee saunters over to where Jane is looking over Roxy.

JANE: Very good. I’m glad to see you dressed up appropriately.  
ROXY: lol ofc i did janey its not everyday i gtg to the OPERA u no   
ROXY: im pretty excited rly the story sounds so interesting  
ROXY: gender stuff has always fascinated me u no  
JANE: I wasn’t paying much attention to the synopsis myself. I’ve decided to take over the event and turn it into a charity fundraiser.  
ROXY: o yea? good on u janey! wat for?  
JANE: human families that have been displaced from their homes by troll incursions.

Roxy laughs.

ROXY: wait...u srs?  
JANE: Of course I’m serious, Roxy. It’s a very serious issue.  
ROXY: but like...is it tho  
ROXY: does that like...actually happen  
ROXY: like in real life  
JANE: It COULD happen, Roxy, and that’s why we must be ready!  


Roxy looks at Jane with confusion. Jane smiles and puts a hand on her shoulder.

JANE: It’s okay, Rolal. I know that foresight has never been your forte! Hoo hoo hoo!  
ROXY: ...lol...hey gamz! hows it going dude?  
GAMZEE: aWwW...iTs AlL gOoD mY sWeEt RoXiTa! Im HeLlA sToKeD tO bE aLl HeRe aT tHe OpErA aNd ShIiIiIiIiIiT...  
GAMZEE: gEtS mE aLl A tHiNkIN aBoUt ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN hIgHbLoOdS oN aLtErNiA aNd tHe WiCkEd FuCkIn EnTeRtAiNmEnT tHeYd AlL gEt Up On, yOu KnOw?  
GAMZEE: mAkEs Me MoThErFuCKiN PUMPED tO bE rEdEeMeD aNd ShIt! :o)  
GAMZEE: HeRe aT tHe HuMaN oPErA wItH mY sWeEt NaNnA mUfFiN <3  
GAMZEE: LiFe Be MoThErFuCkIN DOPE!

Jane smiles at Gamzee and pats his arm. Roxy swoons.

ROXY: ur so romantic gamz  
ROXY: i wish john would listen to u sumtimes lol  
GAMZEE: mE tOo! I jUsT wAnNa Be HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD :o(  
ROXY: aw poor gamz!  
ROXY: dont worry about john hes just grumpy a lot but he luvs u  
GAMZEE: yOu SuRe? :o(  
ROXY: positive lol

Ten minutes pass and John still has not returned from the bathroom. The orchestra begins warming up in the concert hall.

GAMZEE: sHoUlD i Go In AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN cHeCk On A bRoThEr?  
ROXY: nah its ok gamz he just takes a while sumtimes  
JANE: You would think that the gentleman who would become my grandfather would have more class than to idle in the bathroom while ladies await his accompaniment.  
ROXY: lol well janey u already got ur man so y dont u go on in with gamz and ill just wait here for john  
JANE: Very well, Roxy. If you insist. Though I must say, again, that this is very indecent behavior on John’s behalf and I hope that you don’t let it slide.  
ROXY: lol dont worry about it janey k  
JANE: See you soon, dear.  
ROXY: u 2

Roxy waits outside as everyone begins to pile into the concert hall. She looks around, biting her lip, looking suddenly very vulnerable in her fancy dress all alone in the foyer. She reaches into her purse and pulls out her phone.

**\--- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] ---**

TG: wats up hon  
EB: is he gone yet?  
TG: who  
EB: gamzee!  
TG: omg were u just hidin from gamz in there???  
EB: yes!  
TG: john....  
TG: im standing out here all by myself lookin like a weirdo in front of evrybody  
TG: cuz ur in there hiding from 1 of ur best friends???  
TG: wat is wrong with u???

John sighs, sitting on the toilet. He’s been crying again. He blows his nose and takes a deep breath.

EB: yeah i guess i’m being stupid.  
EB: AS USUAL.  
EB: i’ll be right out.  
TG: k im waitin rite outside

**\--- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] ---**

John steps out of the bathroom and waves awkwardly to Roxy. She smiles.

ROXY: there u r   
ROXY: will a gentleman PLEASE escort me inside?

John sighs.

JOHN: roxy you don’t need a gentleman to escort you inside. you can do whatever you want. you’re just as strong as me. stronger, even.  
ROXY: thats very sweet hon but it isnt the point  
ROXY: im tryin to be all lady like and proper rite now because its an opera date and thats wat u do its a thing  
ROXY: can we just do the thing? please?  
JOHN: all right.

John extends his arm for Roxy to take, and she latches onto him quickly and lays her head against his own.

ROXY: lead the way sir

The two of them enter into the concert hall where the overture is almost finished, and Roxy points up to a box seat where Jane is sitting in attendance. They make their way up the stairs to take their seats next to the guests of honor. Jane is watching the musicians play from her opera glasses while Gamzee is down on his knees massaging and kissing his lover’s bare feet. Her heels sit empty by the side of her chair.

Roxy giggles as she takes the seat next to Jane, and John looks deeply uncomfortable as he stares at Gamzee running his tongue up and down the sole of Jane’s foot. The clown winks at him and kisses the air twice. John flinches as if he’s been punched in the face. Why did he ever think this was going to be fun in the least?

Roxy lays her head on John’s shoulder and sweetly takes his hand in hers. She sighs deeply and raises her opera glasses to her face to watch the events occurring on stage. John still cannot look away from the clown, whose deep purple eyes stare into John’s blue ones as he engages in his lewd act. He starts to feel like he might be sick. Is he going to lose his lunch right here and now, in this fancy opera house, in this fancy opera box, dressed in a tuxedo next to his beautiful wife who already feels unloved and unappreciated?

No. He breathes in again, allowing the calming air to keep him alive and steady. He focuses on the events happening on stage. The trickster demigod, with his orange skin and expensive clothes, leaves magical chocolates across the land for seekers of magic to find. He sings a triumphant song of cackling mischief filled with humorous plays on words. The opera is not in French. John has no idea why it has a French name. Maybe to sound more legitimate? Jane leans over to whisper to Roxy.

JANE: They really are just like people, aren’t they?

Roxy looks over at Jane in confusion.

ROXY: who  
JANE: These Earth C humans we created. They act like us, they sing like us, they dance like us. In every way they act just like people.  
ROXY: janey...they r people...they were made the same way we were remember....

Jane smirks.

JANE: Of course, how silly of me. Hoo hoo hoo!

Gamzee’s kisses ascend from her feet, smooching and licking up Jane’s bare legs under her gown. His head disappears under the cyan fabric.

JANE: Oh!

John gets up from his seat.

JOHN: No! No no no no no! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t handle this! You can stay if you want, Roxy, but I’m leaving!  
ROXY: john wait

John doesn’t even remain a moment longer. He rushes down the steps and into the main room. Roxy runs after him.

ROXY: holy fuck john could u wait just a fuckin sec when i ask u to!  
ROXY: im ur wife can u please start treating me like it???  
JOHN: what??  
ROXY: what is wrong with you? y r u makin such a big show about EVERYTHIN tonite?  
ROXY: i thought u rly wanted to c the opera  
ROXY: i thought u rly wanted to spend time w/ me  
ROXY: but ur never ever gonna even think for a minute about the other ppl in ur life r u?

John sighs. Roxy starts to cry freely now.

JOHN: roxy...  
ROXY: no john! no! i was thinkin...i was thinkin mb after we got home we might....  
ROXY: i was thinkin mb it might be different  
ROXY: i rly want another kid u no that ive been sayin it 4eva but u just dont care do u  
ROXY: u dont even like the one we already have even though he luvs u so damn much  
ROXY: u dont even like the wife u have even when she luvs u so damn much!  
JOHN: roxy!  
ROXY: no john! no! mb that was too far of me to say but....

She’s sobbing now. Make-up is streaming down her face.

ROXY: its over john. mb not 4eva idk but like...its over now. i need space. from u. from ur drama. i cant do it anymore. i really tried john. i wanted to be the one for you. i wanted to be the luv of ur life so damn badly.

She reaches into her purse and pulls out a napkin. She blows her nose and wipes her eyes.

ROXY: but i cant make you want that. i cant make you want me. so just...go. go do what ur gonna do. im gonna go back and watch the rest of this opera cuz i rly wanna see it and im not gonna let u stop me.  
ROXY: well talk more later mb.  
JOHN: roxy...are you really leaving me?

Roxy laughs bitterly.

ROXY: does that surprise u so damn much john egbert?

John looks down at the floor.

JOHN: okay...i’ll go. i’m sorry, i....  
ROXY: just save it john. 

Roxy turns around and goes back into the concert hall. John stares into space for a few moments, and then reaches into his suit pocket to pull out his phone. He stares at it for a few moments, takes another deep breath, and makes a call.

JOHN: hey jade.  
JOHN: yeah...  
JOHN: something happened.


End file.
